Goals, battles, and addictions.

When I gave myself to God for the very first time I was in dire circumstances. I was very sick, afraid for my life, and the only person I knew to turn to was God. I'm not the kind to fake things or play pretend so I felt if God were out there I needed him to help me and I was willing to go all the way- to give up myself. There are a lot of things that take up my time now that back then would have seemed foolish and a giant waste of time. Women, sports, sneakers, clothing, work, money and music all meant a great deal to me back then, but in the moment that I needed him the most those things meant nothing. That time has since passed and I believe I am still saved. What I find now however is that the hardest parts of my christian walk are the battles fought during the journey.



I remember several months ago debating with a friend of mine about the Bible's truth and peoples acceptance of it. If you and I, Kevin, Shiela, Mike, and Janice knew based on fact (and not faith) that God existed, would we accept him? The most logical answer to that question would be yes, but that's not the case. What many people don't understand is that following God means leaving yourself behind. It means that God comes first before the music, the clothes, the women and all those other things the world cherishes, and you once cherished. The truth is if you and I and the rest of the world knew God truly existed 70-90% or more of us would still choose ourselves over him whether deliberately or not.



We all want immediate gratification, and we need that something that will please our flesh whether temporarily or indefinetely. If we don't get that 'it' then our flesh starves. Getting saved is a lot like a drug addicts rehabilitation, there's always a withdrawal phase. You can know you have a problem, accept change, and have the work start in you to change but many a time get caught up in the withdrawal stage and have a hard time giving 'it' up. It is important for me to find peace in God everyday but sometimes it's easier to find 'peace' doing it my way. Money, clothes, and sneakers, among other things are old 'pleasures' that I am dependent on and serve as a much needed relief from my walk. The quesion now is how do I get up and take that next step when every second step I take feels like is a lost battle. This is where I am in my walk with God and I know some of my readers can relate.