Sunday, July 26, 2009
I've done well to fight off temptation for sin but still I continue to fall back into it. It sucks!!! I don't mean sin like lying to a friend or talking negatively about someone else. No, not that kind of sin. Even though those things are not to be taken lightly- no sin should. I'm talking about that drinking till you get wasted alone type sin, using hard drugs after 3 weeks of being sober type sin. The type of sin that is bound to you like an addiction and has a root cause that maybe hasn't been fixed yet. The type of sin only God can heal but you yourself hesitate to let him because you don't know how. Well I'm there, at least for the moment. I've always been able to get back up, dust myself off and continue walking in faith in the past, but this time is different. Always asking for forgiveness makes me sick to my stomach like the story of the prodigal son running away from home and then coming back to ask for mercy from his father. The father would always welcome him back. God's love is so full and deep that it brings me shame every time I have to beg for forgiveness. Obviously this ritual is and will forever be a part of my life and every other christians life till the end of time because we are yet human. But enough is enough! I am grateful that the God I serve is kind and forgiving. Never holds grudges against me and is always seeing me in the future and not in the past. I pray that God heals me of all my addictive behaviors and can forgive my sins one more time.